Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
