I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
