i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
