as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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