why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
