I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
