I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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