I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
