right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Randomize