i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
where are you?
Hypothermia
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
