I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
