no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Dignity is for republicans.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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