wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
