you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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