Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
