Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
