There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Reggie can tackle my bush.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
