she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
