i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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