Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
