I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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