i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
