i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you are never too drunk for berry picking
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
