I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
