I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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