I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
