i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
