If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
