I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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