Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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