Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Oh god it's open bar.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
