I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
