Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
