This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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