Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
