so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
