Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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