dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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