I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
