I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize