i just wanna soil my oats bro
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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