benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
