They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
