and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
