It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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