dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
