blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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