i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
