My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
