Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
