Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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