listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
