woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
