just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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