Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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