My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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