We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
