Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
