if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
