She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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