I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
