I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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