sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
