Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
