i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
