Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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