O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
