Why is your signature on my underwear?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize