also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize