Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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