ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
