I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
