I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
and you fell through a lawn chair
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
