I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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