just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize