so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize