he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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