Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
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