During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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