I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
