I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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