8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I have surprise drugs for everyone
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
