I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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