Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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