after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
