It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
