Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
