The maid of honor just puked.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Found the puke drawer
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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