Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
