please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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