This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
