You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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