I just threw up on my dentist
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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