First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize