I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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