fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
