its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
